// people keep talking //

Lush disordered worlds are breeding and collapsing upon my mind every time I close my eyes, even if you can’t hear the sound of this dance or this death or those thoughts of yours I’m invading.

People keep talking, glistening mouths, crushed pearl teeth. How readily we abandon one another, how easily we misunderstand a thing and leave it there. Please turn around again, the world has grown so cold. How each wispy staccato breath is brushed forward and disintegrating; you can’t feel the tilting of time toward the precipice but they keep on with their speak and I am falling farther and farther away from the gravity of their distraction.

They ask me why I write about missing a thing I cannot name, why I write about making love to immortal creatures, and then they tell me how it all lingers too long, probes too close to the beauty behind the sadness. It’s not that I don’t want to give away the answers it’s that I don’t want answers, I want questions like white lights hanging in the trees. I know they think I’m writing to find fulfillment, and they feel sorry for me, some of them actually do.

There are no tears on this side of the wall but I see it in the coffee houses wearing sweater boots and talking through me like thin snow flakes painted on glass.

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// hallowed winter song //

Shivering children, hearts which burn of eternal seasons, we are
cloaked rich in generous silence, held in birch wood hands
kissing the mouths of honeyed stars,
juniper corsets laced along frosted
glass,
all eyes, beloveds, search wide the dressings
of the wind.
We are threading this life we breathe through a keyhole
tiny snow birds on pine wings on trees,
arms around circles of smoke skin
underneath
leaves.
Summon clarity, summon release,
drink this wine and remember these
bones,
ours is an unspoken language
of symbols
taught by the teachers
of everyone.
Seek with fever the home inside yourselves, hold close to you a foreign distance,
vanishing slow,
this life of returns,
returning,
touch softly upon her walls of shadows
in dreams which bloom on cinnamon ghosts
bathe your pale bodies in milk streams
falling water gently on knees.
This winter night has been ever long, hard and cold
as rock reflects the light of the moon and reveals her features.
In this dark house we learn to listen
and to sing.

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// circle of stones //

But the ones who understand, we wear our midnight visions so close to the surface that the veins are fresh crimson even before the skin breaks and we recognize each other by the flecks of mischief in our prismatic eyes. Hold to me from the inside and I will promise you this: they fear us because they want to be us. We know the difference between satisfaction and freedom appears slight from a distance, but when you’re staring together up at the moon it’s the length of a meteor shower racing away from the earth.  You raise my hand in yours and we measure it with our delicate fingers. I know we are so small in our nest but my god if you could see our wings unfold they’d wrap twice around the sky.

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// luna //

Flocks of wings fell from a covetous sky as I was dancing barefoot along the edge of
sickle blades beheld in your eyes,
razors cut straight into
an alabaster wind and all I have in this cruel world is a
blood wine offering to my ungodly thirst
for you:
flawless
standing once removed
at a mirror gazing into
the first orgasmic pulse of the universe.
To crave you is adoption of strange distortion, black flames wet with resplendent poison;
I am fertile, the depths of my shadows have
grown again
young.
Temptress, goddess, luna, luna, luna Diana,
deliverance, solar bodies locked in iron chairs
bending back against blue celestial walls.
You are the ancient guiding light when the galaxies are riotous clouds in my
disconnected
hands.
What of the promise which swallows the tears of dying stars
this bone cold ocean of downturned faces
as the earth cries out for her own rebirth
a river
snakes around my infectious words;
ghost lovers in soft willow frames, ecstatic oblivious rotation,
lost minds spinning on axis upon a thimble
dressing and undressing us in rose water and sage.
The crystal globes inside you are melting time beneath my fevered skin
as I insert you, blessed dark heaven between my fingers and my thighs,
tragedy and faith forever bound;
our secrets have become
corruptions
of an unrelenting
tide.

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// dark mistress //

Bone to cheek
we eclipse each other
she walks within me as I am left
behind,
shadow bodies, horses standing still at the gate.
I would trade my pain for pleasure, disconnect my jaw from my
heart if only
there were a way to separate the two.
Collections taken up in the spiral of this dark sea bed, breathing:
stars the taste of lavender liquid thunder,
my eyes held in her
eyes closing;
one face
reflected at the count of ten, mirrors on
hands on
ceilings
soft ivory angel wings bend in the clouds on fire, tongues of old in the mouths of
newborn creatures born quietly shrieking
all over the world the little lights are hungry,
hills in flames and I am the rain cascading
as she falls through me time and time
again
ash into ash disintegrating.
What I have done is the emerald chalice of mine
own blood
these sins to which she is
blind as I am
sowing seeds in the tears of this sickness
clutching its beak at the nape of my neck.
To be alone is to be
possessed,
the circling song of her thin disruptive fingers
golden chains braided between her translucent breasts
something beautiful,
bewitching in the mouth on the mouth
of my own death.

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// hearts break all over the world and here //

I knew it was time to begin again

slow.

Collect the slim beats of my disfigured heart

and each one of her tender pieces

into a somber fading evening twilight

of the soul,

tuck my bruised bones

into a nest of ambient solitude

and listen to every raindrop

tell its story.

I knew

the ways in which I had been torn apart

would heal again back together

and leave a new kind of scar,

the kind I would have to learn

to wear in the daylight

this time

too

soon.

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// this is devotion //

In the most sacred space, there is a dramatic and all-encompassing privacy; a spiritual intimacy which threads itself into a complete and full aloneness.

No other voice but that of The Infinite, a sense of perfect solitude that encompasses all beings, all objects, all life, death, light and darkness are reflected into an ever widening abyss, fallen and raised at once, deep until the deep warps fully again into itself and codes the sound, color, makeup and design of the infinite inside every cell, every atom a microcosm of the stuff of fires that become spontaneous bodies, life forms.

Whatever you worship know you may only gather at the feet of it and ask of it everything as it gives to you everything, every thought, every breath, every heart beat, every sensation, every dream, every experience, every pierce of sadness and caress of an ever dying light without end. We are fading, fading, and on the other side of the fade is an advancement; what bows forward is falling back.

Don’t blink as you sleep. Don’t forget as you leave. Remember, remember, remember all of this and keep it with you, beloved.

It is you where I come from, into you I return.

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// communion //

In my silence I am mysterious water and fire, an earth, moon, sun and sky in rotation, stillness is an illusion. Cells within cells, stars penetrating stars. A prophesy: life within life within life and my virgin mouth drinking from your sacred cup.

All life force flowing in beautiful chaotic balance, arms outstretched, infraction, inversions, neophyte eyes, moon pale fingers, strange beliefs, abandoned bodies floating on hymns in the dark.

In dreams I am a nightmare, a withering womb is pierced and invaded, I am consumed and taken by collected spirits of another world, they nourish me as they feed upon me. We belong to each other.

Not the way of this world: deeper. 

My black tears distract you as you try to impress on me the nature of a thing I attempt to write about in ink languages but fail, though I can sing to it, though I move within it as my sins line themselves back to back; revolutions in constant in the veins destroy entire cities as you walk through me in the rain.

I’m in love with the walls that make me furious, golden archways and vines made of catgut strings. I’m tired of the small world, I’m hungry and exhausted. The milk of your instruction is no longer enough.

I remove my nightdress, lace, satin, crimson, pulling and dropping over my head, skimming my lips and shoulders, I lie down beneath you and wait like an animal pacing at dusk.

My dear thief, give me something I can teach, something breathable, something with teeth. I suckle the beauty in your courageous crimes: the way your steady advance cuts through every inch of my thin body, the force of your touch can raise me crawling in the streets half across the world.

Rich soil still beneath my fingernails, grave diggers, night creatures, ancient codes buried thick in tomes, in my nakedness, in my dark benevolence, I am yours and you are the sun, my huntsman, my priest, we are not afraid anymore to look each other in the eye. When it’s time again to ask me, I tell you in perfect ritual rhyme that I worship that which pulsates within and from this obsession.

You tell me again you are pleased.

Hands and hearts of stone made flesh. You move your painted fingers along my scars: the sky births heavy snow falling on leaves; the taste of wine is a dance of holy disintegration, life again begins underneath.

I look up into a crystal constellation rejoicing, the freedom of the secrets of night on the searching tips of deviant tongues.

The turning of the slicing wind is moving her aching blood through trees; something still at the window, watching, is wicked.

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// is this fire, is this water //

It may happen that your words fall short of your thoughts, do not despair. You do not have to worry, you do not have to do this right. The great privilege of the poet is simply to be afforded the chance to even try – it’s all just a try, all of it is just an attempt, a reach – to cradle, just for a few sacred moments little flecks of infinite amounts of the stuff which explodes in the galaxies, which turns always on its axis within us, the very life which is relentless in passing us by.

You do not have to do this how they tell you. You do not have to be anything other than what you are, sliding your torn humanity alongside the words. You are worthy. Give to the words everything and they will give you everything in return.

Humility. Curiosity. Joy.

All of this fullness, it is all in motion as we stand still at the glass: at the swift feet of the winged universe. We are here inside a translation, a transmission, making attempts. Making little marks on trees, on sand, on paper, on hands.

Reminders: we are here, we are here, we say to ourselves.

What does it mean? How may I serve? I’ve been to a secret place and this is what I have seen: Is it fire, is it water, is it honey, is this something you can use? We unearth tools from a time we no longer recognize but something – a thorn, a glance, a pin prick – is familiar to the blood. We belong and we don’t belong. We are footsteps, echoes far away from home, making a way in the dark.

We are suspended always inside the reverent space between the scream and the static. Holding. Holding. Holding.

Listening for the breath, sinking low underneath the quiet only heard by the solitary ones. Hold steady the weight of a world gone to dust and offer it your gentle arms. Hold this space, hold this space. Hold this skin. Collect these bones and let them teach you how to build, word upon word, the honor is in the courage to approach that which calls to you.

Bare feet. Bare soul.

Because this too shall pass.

Clouds will cross a lonely moon.

You will become your own again soon.

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