You Must First Know Where You Come From (audio 70 / day 281)

I wish it were different but the truth is that my recovery is breaking my bones all the way to dust right now. It is very crushing. It is very nerve wracking. It is very real. It is very deep. And to live through an honest recovery, a deeply holy and authentic recovery, the only guide you actually have – when the noise quiets, when the chips are down, when the dust settles – is yourself.

Perhaps I had been afraid to get sober for so long because something in me has known all along that getting to the truth would mean, ultimately, getting to me. Who I really am. What I really believe. What I am really made of. What my truest desires, wants, and dreams, as well as fears, are.

But it isn’t just the getting to my core that will make my life authentic, aligned, sincere, integrated. It’s arriving at my center, seeing it for what it really is, and then choosing it over every single other thing in my life. Over money. Over family. Over attention. Over outward validation. Over career. Over fitting in. Over marriage. Over societal norms. Over conventional thinking. Over the easy way. Over my reputation. Over the image and expectations of me that others hold.

And given all this, now I see and feel and know in no uncertain terms one thing: a true recovery is as radical a path as can ever be chosen by a humble human creature who dares to believe there is so much more to the story than has yet been revealed.

.

*All of my Sobriety Audios are collected for you here (or go to the top of this page and click “Sobriety Audios (Free Downloads).” You can listen as often as you want, anywhere, anytime, for free, forever.