I sit sipping fresh cappuccino by my open writing room window. The rain is coming down in tiny sprinkled bursts as the light wind glides through the gigantic green trees. There’s no thunder but small flashes of lightning pulse every once in a while. The gray of the cool sky feels like a merciful hand over a closed tired eye. I just want to be away. Away from here. Away far enough to actually see what I’m looking at. So much change has happened for me in these last five months it feels overwhelming at the moment. And maybe that will pass, I am sure it will – this feeling like there’s nothing left to hold on to because everything has been swept away by the giant wave of sobriety as it crashed over me. I see things now for what they really are, or should I say instead: I feel the real things now. I feel the things that aren’t right and haven’t been for a very long time. My whole life has been upended and trying to minimize the effects of that is scratching at the insides of my bones. Something inside still needs to be let out. When you see what needs to change you have to go about changing it. I guess. Or not. Maybe not. Maybe the thing is to just stop blaming myself for any of it.
Allison Marie Conway 
It’s important to take responsibility for the roles which lead us to where we are (in my own personal opinion). That includes celebrating daily successes. There’s usually for most artists a lull after achieving something that took large amounts of creativity. First you’re full of relief and joy, then you re-read or re-examine and feel as if it’s worthless, then if it’s successful you possibly hit a depression stage where you feel as if you set the bar too high and you’ll never reach it again. Be extremely careful that you allow yourself to feel those things but that you pull out of those feelings on your own. ❤️ Just some personal thoughts and observations from experience. Heed the warning. Or don’t. You do you as the kids say 🤪
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Thank you so much for your thoughts. I am so sorry this was in my spam god knows why!
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That’s okay!
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Please continue to write and post, not only for yourself but others that need you to be a beacon of inspiration for them. I find there will always be more confounding questions than sobering answers, which then creates the need for faith and forgiveness. I wish you a long and healthy journey filled with new found laughter, grace and joy.
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Thank you so much for this. 🤍🙏🏻🤍
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You’re most welcome.
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