Drinking Trash for Kicks (audio) (day 63)

There are stories I am not sharing because it isn’t time. Maybe one day I will. Maybe not. They are too dark and too upsetting and I believe as a writer I have no business sharing things I am not in control of. By that I mean, I have not yet worked through having compassion for myself with regard to what happened in those stories. What I did. What substance abuse did to me. But they are there inside of me just the same. They have become touch stones for me as I navigate the wilderness of clean living. Whenever the voice in my mind tries to tell me ‘alcohol isn’t so bad – just have one’ I can recall those stories vividly and they stop me cold.

What you come to learn in sobriety is that you have every right to set up your own boundaries. You can say what you need to say, and not say what you need to keep to yourself. You do not owe anyone an answer or explanation for anything. You need not justify your choices. You can identify your own needs and then make sure they get met. You can walk away from what or who does not deserve you. You can use the tools that serve you well and leave the rest behind.

Perhaps the craziest thing I have learned so far is that getting sober is more about me than about alcohol. So very much more. We are obsessed with drinking in the USA. It’s everywhere. We get trashed in yoga studios and marathons and while painting and celebrating and mourning and everything inbetween. We are surrounded by trash which is all polished and pretty and romanticized and destroying our brains and our memories and numbing out all the good shit.

What an insane journey this is. What an absolute trip to get sane in an insane world.


My book Luminae can be purchased on Amazon

You can find me on Instagram @allisonmarieconway

15 Replies to “Drinking Trash for Kicks (audio) (day 63)”

  1. I love that you’re documenting this journey of yours, Allison. Years from now when you revisit it, you’re going to feel so empowered by the testimony of faith, fortitude and self love it represents. Not many find the strength to rescue their own selves in this lifetime. You’re an inspiration. My addiction may not be to alcohol, but aren’t we all addiction to some form of escape… perhaps multiple. You inspire me to sit with myself and go through the process to get through it.
    On a side- have you watched the series “Mom”? I absolutely loved it – one of the key themes of the series through every season was recovering from alcohol addiction. It’s hilarious too, if you ever want to watch.

    Liked by 3 people

      1. I would like. We need people to make us want to talk, laugh and and dance, if we are lucky. I have no-one to talk no-more. Coronavirus killing my poetry workshops. Conversation is the best fore play dear Allison.

        Liked by 2 people

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