Day fifty (fifty!!!) arrives like an elegant rose which has grown – somehow, impossibly – through a solid stone wall. There is a softness inside which can penetrate even the darkest most menacing prison. What it is is a mystery and it is the deepest truth about yourself. Its vibrations and movements are so incredibly nuanced, intimate, intricate. Excruciating and beautiful. My mind is so sweetly strong, solid, healthy. My body is balanced, true, weightless even as it proudly bears its own precious, undeniable weight.
And after fifty days and nights spent searching my own heart and soul for strength I never quite knew existed, I have arrived to this milestone feeling a kind of way I have never felt before. Like a little bird alighting on a branch (after flying for a very, very, very weary long time) which is pebbled with small tight buds. I can build a home here. It is still dark here but dawn is on its warm, silent, awe-inspiring way. I can gather my tiny resilient twigs one day at a time and when spring winds finally blow I will breathe and watch the flowers spread into new life. Right by my side. Right through the cracks where I have heard it promised that the light gets through. Spring this year is gonna be wild. And it’s gonna be unexpected. And it’s gonna be so, so good.
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P.S. If you are on Instagram you are welcome to follow me there @allisonmarieconway. I am thinking to post more about my journey there as well because I am out of my motherfucking mind but also if sharing my stuff can help you through your stuff that is good stuff.