Her fake fingernails are so long and sharp that I fear for the safety of her pussy when she masturbates. They are black at the base and gradually end up a slime green by the time the color drains off at the tips, which are not only sliced into a razor point but are also curved inward like talons. I’m repulsed and transfixed. I think it is absurd but I also think it is wildly entertaining. I never do shit like that. My nails are as short as possible so I can write either in a notebook or on a keyboard without any obstruction.
I hate salons and I hate spas. I don’t want anyone touching me it is beyond unsettling. I take my own baths and massage my own feet and all the rest. The whole self-care thing gets on my last nerve but maybe that’s because what it really means in terms of social currency is shelling out a bunch of time and money I don’t have and even if I did I wouldn’t waste in on that stuff. I like the diamond rhinestone gems that one chick has embedded into the nail on her left ring finger. I watch it flash and do not hear a word she is saying. I wonder if that is her real skin or she’s got some sort of filter. I have never seen a human face without a single pore or blemish in real life but that’s really neither here nor there.
Did you know the Metaverse isn’t even a platform it’s a concept? The concept being the point in time when we all are finally so entrenched in our cyber lives that they take precedence to our physical lives where we actually exist in real time. We will care more about what our digital lives are than any other reality. Begs the question, right? What’s reality? Anyway, her nails are daggers and they make no logical sense. I begin to wonder about her life off screen and how she can possibly get on with those things. But she looks so glossy and happy and that’s really quite lovely I guess is what I should be thinking if I were a nice and good person. I like her nail crystals and I wonder how she will eventually get that shit off when the time comes because the time will inevitably come but why think about that when you have bigger fish to fry like not slicing your own clitty off when you take your body downtown.
A woman on a podcast is talking into my earbuds about sex addiction. To hear her describe the life of an addict is tragic and intriguing. She talks about ‘intriguing’ actually, which I think is when you try to seduce someone because you crave affection, attention, it’s a high and a rush and quitting using people like that is hard af. Especially in this kind of world where we are so isolated. But it isn’t just the isolation, is it. It’s the isolation compounded by the illusion of closeness. The illusion of relationship where there is nothing tangible to actually build upon.
She talks about porn and how it has ruined boys and men and girls and women, too. Addiction has become a fascination for me. Alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex, shopping, they run through all the names of the things which we abuse to abuse ourselves. I am full of ten thousand questions and not a single answer worth sharing. But I’m not going to drink today. And I know nothing at all as clearly and beautifully as I know that. Because I can tell you that metaverse apocalypse or not, destruction is real and it’s just a flick of the wrist away from each and every one of us whether we can see it or not.