Posted on by Allison Marie Conway

Call It What You Want (audio)

All day, tiny bits of light appear like puzzle pieces I didn’t know I was searching for until they reveal themselves one by one in whispers of otherworldly voices. Don’t waste your time here, angel. It is but a passing train in the night through your heart in its melancholy solitude.

Reach out and touch. Reach in and slide all the way down into that place where you began in the beginning. I wanted to write a beautiful thing. I wanted to hold you so close you forget that you spent a lifetime pushing me away. I can’t be entertaining, I’m too tired from the length of the day as it stretched me all the way out inside.

Parts of my body still ache with thoughts of all the things we’ve done to each other. The amount of devotion drenches, drowns the imagination, takes the breath and suspends it out over the twilight of eternity.

Maybe they want me to call it love and I do. I do. Of course I do. But the thing is, when I say love I mean it as a kind of relationship. Not ‘The kind’ of relationship. It isn’t perfect. It isn’t always nice or even kind. We try to be but we get in our own way, the way of ourselves and the way of each other.

People change. People need. People hide and seek and tell most of the truth, but not all of it. Not all of the time. They will tell you that’s out of cruelty but that’s not entirely true.

There are promises of adoration and the way time can keep the versions of yourself from recognizing each other. Second thoughts on arguments and second thoughts on togetherness. Panic at the idea of separation and then panic over why that scares you so.

But no one ever speaks about the silence.

It is easier to disregard the sadness so it only rains on the other side of town.

It is negotiation. It is amalgamation. It is a crackling fireside and a bargaining tool.

When the evening rolls in like a back lit summer scene all over the neighborhood, I watch as the dwindling rays of sunshine comb their beams through the low limbs of trees. In my mind are the quiet thoughts of a contemplative soul. Feeling somber and curled up in bed. Feeling thousands of light years from home.

23 Replies to “Call It What You Want (audio)”

  1. A beautiful way to greet this new day as I sip my coffee… this is one of those pieces that made me realize; she knows the depths of the human mind and heart so well ❤️ And your lovely voice is the cherry on top. Love it 🥰

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    1. Oh, Lisa… I can’t even tell you how much your engagement and your connection with this piece means to me. That you listened as you sipped coffee, god that just tugs at my heart….🥰 Thank you ever so deeply and much. 🙏🏻♥️🌹🕊

      Liked by 2 people

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