Unsure of how to begin, I dive right to the center. Or the middle. Or the edges. I am never exactly certain which, but I begin the nibble hoping to progress to a full meaty bite.
Chewing on this life, this life the whole of which stands trembling before death as it has and does and always will on any given day of the week until the end.
The Rest. The Final.
I would tell you all about me but I fear it would shock or bore you so I dress it up as best I know how with a textural mix of sex and violence and drama and then try to weave my way back to the intricacies of the beginning so that you, and I, and we, the collective, can feel some sense of closure as we drift inside a tiny sliver of space within a world which is a never ending labyrinth of potential openings and doors, some already opened, some closed, some locked, some unlocked, though we never know this because the fear of the other side is enough to keep us from even attempting to turn the knob and see.
The terror of the blank page. The white blazing blindness of the vast empty and the threat of the desire to fill the void. To drain and fill the mind. Consciously. That of which we are aware. That which we deny.
To re-fill the mind.
To discard the old, not bury it, no dirty fingernails or ceremonial tears, but to stride deliberately into the darkness and set it on fire, thoroughly engulf it in flame and watch as the smoke rises into the hollow midnight sky.
The piercing through of the ancients. The cutting of the heart, the suffering which is cathartic, which is relief. I am asleep, however, and unaware until dawn. I am clean. I am pure as in the womb, voiceless, warm and alone. The blood is red in the open air, it runs the distance which is blue, which is the track of the tubes of circulation which is a prayer, the prayer of kinetic energy, the prayer of budding teeth, a rosary of extending bone.
The embers glowing as splits, flecks of eyes simmering out in the cold.
Looking down into my own palms, I am this body and this age. I am beyond this moment as I am under it as I am moving toward it and away. I am these dreams I am desperate to speak of, but hold back.
No more. No more, when there is no future whispering in the olive distance. No more, when the mist of this morning is a hall of mirrors hung upon the backs of doors which close and open, close as they open.
Look into my eyes. Place your fingers in my wounds. Spread your lips beneath the wet charcoal sky.
Are you thirsty? Are you willing?
Open, open, open.