Posted on by Allison Marie Conway

Nebulae (audio)

Reaching an outstretched hand into the future by attempting to let go of the past, I light up a cigarette while contemplating the strangeness of living within the confines of these four dusty sun drenched walls for weeks on end. It’s as if within me I can feel the heavens spinning about in outer space without relent, without a feeling or care about the turmoil we find ourselves mired in on this tiny ink blot below.

Humans are ignorant creatures. For as much as we’d like to congratulate ourselves, there are countless instances where we miss the mark entirely and never so much as come close to picking up the pieces of the shattered lives we leave behind. If you pay too close attention you will exhaust yourself, which is likely why I feel so tired all the time.

I take a drag of my smoke and sip hot black coffee while eyeing up the jumble of tangled words on my screen. I’m a mess, as is this room, but what is life if not chaos, if not disaster tossed around inside little flecks of hope. The afternoon light is coming in slanted from the side of the window, landing in soft patches upon the plants, the little tables and statues, lamps and books, and I think of the way you turn me on my side in the early light of morning.

Trailing your rough hands along the bare curves of my body as you sigh with audible delight. We are only light and shadow, sun and moon, circling. Shaking my head in order to return to the writing which seems to so easily elude my jagged brain riding it out upon these choppy hours, it occurs to me that anxiety burns just beneath the surface of my skin. The room is silent, save for the sound of little birds fluttering by and the single drone of an airplane as it moves lazily overhead. The wings of the little butterfly clock on the wall tick softly as I curl deeper and deeper into myself.

I once knew a man who only wore black. He lined his eyes in charcoal and could write poetry that would cut you clean in two. Just the thought of him now ignites my veins, tears at the feathered cage of my ribs, grasping in my memory for an image, a line, a motion of his body that used to collapse earth into sky. What I wouldn’t give to write just once sentence in the way of the brilliance which twisted and glittered in the secret patterns of his hallway mind. He would open his mouth like opening a doorway into a land promised only to the sacred, only for those who worshiped the darkness of his razor sharp tongue. Most of us are corrupted and we spend our entire lives trying to hide it from everyone around us. But some of us. There are some, very few, who hold tight to their wicked and wield it just perfectly so, to make it shine.

35 Replies to “Nebulae (audio)”

  2. A suspended atmosphere, dark🖤
    I don’t want to repeat myself, it’s not part of my nature, but I have to say it is so nice to read your words, listen to your magic voice.
    Then the image what to add … to the kiss!
    LOVE🖤🥀🖤

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    1. Good morning (afternoon) dear friend. I am so happy to have your words here, your presence. And I like the words you repeat. 🙂 It keeps me going, to know you enjoy my compositions. Love to you, Soul. May you be safe and well always. ❤ ❤

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      1. Good morning to you Marie🌹
        Yes, here in Rome it is afternoon, 14.05 pm
        I will always come to greet you and read what you write🙂
        Stay safe too and be well dear.
        Much love for you❤️🖤🌹

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  4. There are great writings in this site and well worth the effort in their making. They are absolutely perfect. Well there’s plenty more to work with beyond the testimonial and you work with it all fantastically.

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      1. Thanks to you, Allison Marie. And thanks again for following the advice of some good French writers that I greatly admire. They have always insisted that if something is worth saying, it is worth saying well. And that is precisely what you always do.

        –J’adore les gens comme vous qui sont toujours prêts à créer des mondes avec des mots et des images poétiques! 🙂

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        1. Oh, how this warms my heart to hear, thank you! I hope I do right by the words. You know words and wield them so well, Jei, so I am truly humbled by your kindness. Worlds with poetry and image, life and verve, yes, yes, more please. ❤

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  8. Oh Allison!! I loved this!! You have me completely addicted to your voice!!! Your readings are mesmerizing!! Thank you, Thank you!!! Yum!! Wow! You covered a lot of ground with this!! One of my favorites is my belief with Bill Maher that Americans are basically – stupid!!! I think you proved my point!! I’m going to have to come back and glean through this for your gems of inspiration that you left behind!!!
    Chuck 😘🌹🌹

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