Posted on by Allison Marie Conway

I Just Wanted to Tell You This Right Now (audio)

Click play to hear me speak it, read below for transcript. I’m here. You’re here. This is it for now. I’m thinking of you. Please stay safe…..

So hey there. I don’t know what to say except that I wanted to write a fantasy fiction prose piece but what kept coming to the front of my mind and heart instead was to just say hello to you and tell you I am thinking of you and I hope you are okay. Over the years I have written for so many different reasons. I have written and published two books of poetry and prose for people who like dark stuff, and witchy stuff, and spiritual stuff, uplifting and mind bending and inspiring stuff. I have written multiple blogs, some about art, some about business, some about teaching and learning and social media and all kinds of things. I am interested in so many things, I like sharing so many things. As my tastes change, I have changed my content, my audience has changed. Been through some changes. And people read my works for so very many different reasons. To express, move through, explore or experience love, pain, regret, abuse, fear, dreams, hopes, grief, sex, erotica, fantasy, fiction, non-fiction, what have you. So many many things, for so many reasons.

And up until today, up until this very moment I thought I knew what I wanted to do which was keep writing and reading and sharing as I always have, these short pieces that have brought you into my little wild orbit. Stuff that makes us think and feel and sweat and beg and cry and dig deep down into our bones. And I do still want to do all that. But today as I sit here listening to the wind howling outside my writing room window, and watch the little pink petals falling off of brand new spring flowery trees, I cannot help but think that this pandemic is changing all of us on some very fundamental level. Nothing feels the way it used to feel. What felt right before feels all distorted now. And it’s this weird time where we are forced indoors, afraid to go outside and for good reason. The world has not ever seen anything like this. We have not experienced anything like this ever before. All day wondering what the fuck is life, what the fuck are we gonna do now, and after this is over. When will this be over, right like when. Nobody knows.

And I have no answers. All I know is I couldn’t write anything but this right now and I think it is because I am usually the first person to check out of this world and fantasize or imagine or tell stories about alternate lives, random experiences. But there is no getting away from myself on this day. In this moment I am so very present, so confused and angry and afraid and hopeful and scattered and suspended somewhere between the coffee hours and the wine hours and I am not sure exactly what to write for you. What to say for you. What to offer for you to feel a little better, a little bit like there’s a candle for you here in the dark.

I like to write so we can feel the things no one in our regular life lets us feel. I can’t help but think that people who write and share like we do do it because this is the only place, or one of the very few places, on the planet where we can be ourselves without labels or judgments or explaining ourselves to anybody. I don’t normally just riff but today, I can’t help it. This was the only thing that felt real and tangible to me. To say I’m here, and I’m glad you are here, and I am sending you every heartfelt wish for health and safety and the preciousness of sanity in this absolute world gone absolute mad. Please take good care of yourself and the ones you hold dear. I am thinking of you. I am hopeful that I can get my head on straight soon and be able to write some prose that you will enjoy. Meanwhile, feel free to scroll through what is here, there is some written stuff, some audio stuff, there is my book Luminae on Amazon which I honestly do not know if it will ship right now physically but there is the Kindle version you could download if you’d like. Maybe if I make another one of these random pandemic fire side chats, I could read from my book a little bit for you, share some stuff from it, tell you why it is called Luminae, what kind of mood it is, why I wrote it, that kind of thing.

I don’t know. I’m here. I’m trying to take this all in and figure a way through. Just like you are doing. I salute you in your creative endeavors right now. It’s funny – well not really funny, but – it’s funny because before this crisis hit, very few people in the “real world” gave quiet time, or artistic endeavors, or writing or poetry the time of day. They thought art was a silly side bar after thought. But now, look. Now, watch and see. The artists are so important in times like these. So maybe that’s all for today. Let’s just be gentle and humble and honest and if we can, let’s just go make some good art.

23 Replies to “I Just Wanted to Tell You This Right Now (audio)”

  2. no matter the situation in the world, good bad or indifferent, there is always time for creative expression, no matter how we choose to express it, for without it, what would we be…
    great piece, continue the journey be well be safe.

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  3. I can’t keep up with you today, darlin’. You really are so sweet. I am glad to know you. I only wish I knew you twenty years ago. Even ten. Nevertheless, it’s going to be okay. Be brave. “Fear is the mind killer”

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    1. Hey Charles, thank you for listening. I am not exactly quite sure what you mean about keeping up, but I also have absolutely no idea what I even am right now, so I don’t blame you. 🙂 Thank you for your ever kind words. It heartens me very much to know you are out there creating, too. ❤

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      2. Oh your posts. I can’t keep up with your posts today. I believe this is the second one and I have a ton of notifications. ON your other note, I think we’re all very overwhelmed by all this. This is only supposed to happen in movies, but here we are, right in the middle of it. I have seen so many people posting despairing posts about the current state of affairs. I guess I’m not built like that. I know what I’ve been through and I know what I go through everyday, and their are some of us who have already faced our mortality. I had a blood virus several years ago that I survived. And my one blog is a result of that soul searching. So I tell people to be brave, because that is the only thing I can think to say. I mean, if I had children, that’s what I would tell them. I don’t know how to say it.

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          1. And above all, we must keep our sense of humor. I have this theory that we should check Keith Richards for antibodies. He may be able to save the entire world from COVID-19.

            Sorry I talk so much. I will try to behave myself. But I can’t make any promises. I’m a natural brat.

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  6. Wow, Allison! Truly one of your best, this one! I love the personal touch and especially love how you say artists are so important in times like these. It’s so true, isn’t it? Put down and rejected by those who think they are so much more successful for other reasons. But now look, you say. Awesome! You stay well, beautiful you. 💕

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  7. Loved the introspection!! Especially, loved the truth in how people discount and dismiss the arts, writing and beauty. Your lines here are super:
    before this crisis hit, very few people in the “real world” gave quiet time, or artistic endeavors, or writing or poetry the time of day. They thought art was a silly side bar after thought.
    🌹🌹😘💖

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