How Far Gone

Good enough isn’t but you continue to pretend because life is complicated and you aren’t as strong as you wish to be. You want to write about anything else but this is what keeps bubbling up and it’s trash and it’s useless. You pour the coffee and check the news. Social media. Prophets. Sages. Hand sanitizer. Beach wear with no where to go. Money where money always is and poverty everywhere. You scroll through your phone too many times a day and make tiny calculations in your mind. What am I worth. What is art worth. How do you cup the meaning of a word in your hands. How do you explain you can’t help the ones who need you most. What is the weight of the poetry on your tongue, and what would you sacrifice to ingest it. Would you dare let the past burn down to the ground right where it’s standing. Would you light the match. Do you trust yourself to see past the flames, watch the heated burning smoke blurring the tops of the pines. I remember she said to me: This too shall pass. Stay close. I remember her dress caught on fire, I remember the sound and the smell and her face. Fear. Indifference. Infatuation. I remember. Underneath the screaming is the anger and underneath the anger is the sadness which just will not shift, like a lump in your throat on the cusp of the tears you try so desperately not to cry. Don’t let them see. Just don’t let them see what you see. Where has your soul gone in all of this. Can you turn your back on your self, the ghost of your body, a severed head. A severed heart, alone in a far off field, still beating. Each night a dream takes me to visit my desire. Each night an angel kneels next to me, repeating the words my blood knows by heart. I speak without speaking, my voice is the pulse in her chest, the sound of the beginning of time, the music woven into the fabric of every star long faded out. How did I get here, why did I come. Where am I going to rest my tired bones, will it be safe there. In my own womb. In my own hands. In my own head.

12 Replies to “How Far Gone”

  1. Thank you Allison for sharing this.

    I like how you write very honestly and clearly.Guess that comes with practise?

    Keep sharing your work!

    Stay safe and sane

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you very kindly, Salonie, I am so glad you liked this piece. As for the writing, yes, I guess I would say all of it comes from the practice of living, of writing, of reading, and of paying very specific attention to feelings that are tricky to unpack. Thank you again and please you be safe, too…. and sane. ❤ ❤

      Like

  2. “What is art worth”

    In times like these: everything. It is the blazing light that fends off the darkness within us.

    This is s perfect expression of the sense of overwhelming bombardment I am sure a lot of us are feeling right now.

    Thank you for sharing these beautiful words 🖤

    Liked by 1 person

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