Dying For It

Standing on a balcony which overlooks a glittering city of towering lights, I’m dressed to kill for a night of anything goes on the town with you. But for all the pretty I’ve made myself into with strappy heels, tiny dress, lipstick and the rest, we are at each other about something we can’t quite pin down because we’ve been drinking since noon and to be honest things are hazy at best. Screaming about how you don’t care and neither do I, I light a cigarette and let the smoke burn my beautiful young pink lungs. We are a disaster and we are the most incredible sex I have ever known. You are an explosion and I am the fuse, but then it could be the other way around, when shit gets heavy it’s tough to find your way back to the beginning of a burning thing. I crave you and I am infuriated by you and in moments like this one I cannot tell the difference between the two. Livid but also warmly numb, I turn to lean my bare back on the rough concrete ledge and close my eyes as the wind rushes through my long strawberry hair. To be free and left to one’s own devices, how easily one can make a mess of things even with the best of intentions. We shouldn’t have kissed and we shouldn’t have fucked and we shouldn’t have torn each other to shreds but here we are, you and I and our little pile of shards of ourselves that we want to make fit but life is complicated. People are dead inside and comfortably so, until along comes someone unexpected, someone so raw they melt the ice from the soul and slowly seep in. Opening my eyes with my face to the starry night sky, I imagine leaving but my heart’s not in it. I want you close even when I don’t and there’s no denying it now. As you step over the threshold to join me on the terrace, you are not dressed in anything but low slung jeans, and your eyes have changed from anger to some kind of amused affection, a single ice cube clinking in your glass of whiskey. Placing a firm hand on my chin, you tell me to open up and then you pour the spicy liquid over my tongue right before you kiss me hard. I let you part my lips to take in your hunger, moving your hand to grasp my neck as the city blurs into the cosmos swirling high above. Your other hand slides smoothly up my thigh and when I shudder you tell me to be still. Spreading my legs and sinking two fingers deep inside my glistening core, you sigh a growling sigh and I know there will be no more words tonight. I know the only place my little dress will go is into the darkness with the two of us and what I cannot say is No because part of it is me and part of it is you and part of it is that humanity is a dirty fucked up trick.  But spiked in my sizzling blood are a thousand sharp little hooks and somewhere between my foolish recklessness and my lust for your rugged animal need, they have dug themselves firmly into you.